I think it’s ultimately a fantasy—if the man is pathetic, ultimately toothless, he cannot *really* hurt me, not in the way it hurts when someone understands what they are doing and does it anyway because they don’t respect you/care about you/ultimately see you as unimportant. If we believe men are just stupid but ultimately trying their best, we don’t have to be so upset with them and can maybe still stomach the idea of having sex with them.
brilliantly said- and I say that as someone who also dates men and sort of is pushing against this "they just can't help it" and "they're all evil" dual mentality- I think it's all sort of conflated into internet nonsense when the questions underneath the discourse are salient
This is a very good article. I personally struggle with being a “man-child,” it’s a weird thing to admit but I think it’s helpful if I plainly acknowledge it as a problem. I wonder about the problems of portraying that kind of man in media, like how to show it as a problem without the man’s pathetic-ness being used as an excuse for wrong behavior.
I agree with you that pathetic men is only becoming a more relevant cultural archetype, I think a lot of material and cultural forces are producing these kinds of men. A hopeless economy, systems of coercive technology like social media and online gambling and video games designed to be addicting, keeps men stagnant and alone while the manosphere tells them that it’s the fault of women and minorities.
Obviously, at the end of the day, it’s up to us men to better ourselves; but I do think that there are some large and powerful forces working to turn all the men in its path into angry, useless, consuming incel losers.
omg no because he did struggle with his mental health but the pathetic part is the way he treated Marianne and is still BELOVED by the fandom... I'm even questioning my own instinct to protect him and this just proves the thesis!
I feel like this is really is the year where we see men as pathetic and ask ourselves where do we go from here? I think alot of people that are attracted to men are begging them to please change or evolve but men are avidly avoiding and don’t want it to grow! I’m happy to see how this plays out in the media we have coming our way!
This was such a fun read. The good looking self aware man that wreck things and goes Oops i didnt mean to... is one of my favorite topics. So much that one of my novel's MMC is one of them.
It's why I can't be bothered to watch any of these shows: there are enough of these pathetic men everywhere irl. I don't need them in what should be entertainment. I am not entertained by them. Ewwww. Thank you for this takedown. Now I know I won't be watching any of these... :D
This isn’t meant to sound as bitter as it will, but I wish you could add my first ex to your list of examples. Just add “self publishes books of really crap poems and accompanying photographs while also living off one’s wife’s income and uploading instagram videos of how tired one is of immigration” as a characteristic.
These types are akin to reality TV; we love to hate. So they’ll propagate. Yeeehawww 🫠
Oooof I love listening to you but I extra loved reading you on a mean day. This really made me think, I know I must have fell for this so many times. Gd patiarchy! lol. ty for the additional links
I love this! I watched Marty Supreme at the end of the last year, and whilst his character might be a different subgenre of pathetic man than the one mentioned here, I'm finding myself a little sick to death of films and media about men failing upwards
Makes me thinking of Jason Bateman’s character in Juno…was that prophetic or has it always been this way.
I wrote about him last year!! Literally it's been a theme in front of our eyes forever but really bubbling to the surface now
Really enjoyed this. Wish I didn’t relate so hard, but it’s excellently thought through and so well written.
I think it’s ultimately a fantasy—if the man is pathetic, ultimately toothless, he cannot *really* hurt me, not in the way it hurts when someone understands what they are doing and does it anyway because they don’t respect you/care about you/ultimately see you as unimportant. If we believe men are just stupid but ultimately trying their best, we don’t have to be so upset with them and can maybe still stomach the idea of having sex with them.
brilliantly said- and I say that as someone who also dates men and sort of is pushing against this "they just can't help it" and "they're all evil" dual mentality- I think it's all sort of conflated into internet nonsense when the questions underneath the discourse are salient
This is a very good article. I personally struggle with being a “man-child,” it’s a weird thing to admit but I think it’s helpful if I plainly acknowledge it as a problem. I wonder about the problems of portraying that kind of man in media, like how to show it as a problem without the man’s pathetic-ness being used as an excuse for wrong behavior.
I agree with you that pathetic men is only becoming a more relevant cultural archetype, I think a lot of material and cultural forces are producing these kinds of men. A hopeless economy, systems of coercive technology like social media and online gambling and video games designed to be addicting, keeps men stagnant and alone while the manosphere tells them that it’s the fault of women and minorities.
Obviously, at the end of the day, it’s up to us men to better ourselves; but I do think that there are some large and powerful forces working to turn all the men in its path into angry, useless, consuming incel losers.
Anyway, good article :)
This was very informative as well as entertaining, and reading about the pathetic man...i kept thinking about connell from normal people.
omg no because he did struggle with his mental health but the pathetic part is the way he treated Marianne and is still BELOVED by the fandom... I'm even questioning my own instinct to protect him and this just proves the thesis!
I truly hope your give us something about Mad Men. That show helped me understand SO much about women, men and America.
Also this had some bite! But still a great piece!
I'm almost done with the show! I'm sure I'll have something to say about it!
I feel like this is really is the year where we see men as pathetic and ask ourselves where do we go from here? I think alot of people that are attracted to men are begging them to please change or evolve but men are avidly avoiding and don’t want it to grow! I’m happy to see how this plays out in the media we have coming our way!
I feel like this all connects to the TV archetype of the dumb dad, no? Homer Simpson being the classic example.
The Weaponized incompetence of the lovable oaf!
This was such a fun read. The good looking self aware man that wreck things and goes Oops i didnt mean to... is one of my favorite topics. So much that one of my novel's MMC is one of them.
Obsessed with Tell me Lies and Mad Men - cannot get enough of the deep dives!
So so so so so good, made me laugh twice
Incredible piece.
It's why I can't be bothered to watch any of these shows: there are enough of these pathetic men everywhere irl. I don't need them in what should be entertainment. I am not entertained by them. Ewwww. Thank you for this takedown. Now I know I won't be watching any of these... :D
This isn’t meant to sound as bitter as it will, but I wish you could add my first ex to your list of examples. Just add “self publishes books of really crap poems and accompanying photographs while also living off one’s wife’s income and uploading instagram videos of how tired one is of immigration” as a characteristic.
These types are akin to reality TV; we love to hate. So they’ll propagate. Yeeehawww 🫠
Oooof I love listening to you but I extra loved reading you on a mean day. This really made me think, I know I must have fell for this so many times. Gd patiarchy! lol. ty for the additional links
I love this! I watched Marty Supreme at the end of the last year, and whilst his character might be a different subgenre of pathetic man than the one mentioned here, I'm finding myself a little sick to death of films and media about men failing upwards