When I last did one of these, it was mostly a way to provide some links to provide context on things I had written about. I read a lot and love engaging with the work of others, I love being right, and sometimes I ruminate on things after they’ve been published.
Additionally, I realized I’ve gotten quite a few new subscribers after I published The Mainstreaming of Loserdom- thank you for being here. I wrote it after spending (too much) time online and being depressed by the attitudes being touted and celebrated in the essay. I didn’t think it would create the discourse it did but I’m glad I wrote it!
People are constantly telling me I never talk about myself online. I grew up in the early aughts, during the height of internet stranger danger—I was trained to never reveal too much about myself during the height of AIM, lest someone find my IP address and come snatch me. (If you think I’m exaggerating, the very first episode of Degrassi, which aired in 2001, features a plot line where Emma meets a teenage boy online, but quickly realizes she’s been duped by an older predator when she meets him irl in a hotel room. This was also the era of To Catch a Predator.)
Either way: it’s nice to meet you all. I’m a native New Yorker who’s been trying to read 100 books a year since 2012. I’ve been on TikTok for almost three years now, and I’ve found that a lot of themes continue to pop up whenever I talk about discourse, the internet and culture. Here are some:
American Loneliness
I was convinced I made a video about this in January of 2023, but I guess I was talking about splitting the bill discourse and the very human pressure to conform to social norms, especially during group outings. (Interestingly, here you can see I’m raging against internet misanthropy a full 22 months before posting a video about the cashier discourse and that whole rigamarole.)
Anyway, I talked about the loneliness epidemic plaguing this country and how I think it’s affecting young people entering horrific relationships to avoid being alone. In the post, I talked about Bowling Alone, the decline of third spaces preventing people from meeting friends/significant others, and the rise of people staying in one-sided relationships at the expense of one’s self esteem.
American Cheating
The name for this spun out of American Loneliness and captures the idea that due to WASP cultural norms, people who have affairs and marry the affair partner are allowed to skirt social consequences for cheating since they’re now ensconced in the new relationship. (White) Americans love avoiding conflict and awkwardness, and the way the celebrity industrial complex gingerly avoids any mention of how these couples got together continues to be an exercise in minor gaslighting.
I wrote about this in Bad Behavior, and I have a playlist on TikTok with a dozen examples here.
See also: The Right to Comfort
Girlbosses
In January I wrote about the pleasure American culture takes from the destruction of the girlboss— a story we see again and again and again. Currently, we’re watching the downfall of Olivia Nuzzi, full-time journalist turned part-time Twitter troll (her hard pivot into anti-vax nonsense was… concerning).
For those who missed it, Nuzzi (31) admitted to having a “digital affair” with RFK Jr. while he was running for president. The admission led to her fiance, Ryan Lizza, not being allowed to write about RFK anymore in addition to breaking up with her (he has issues of his own). She was then placed on indefinite leave from New York Magazine.
When the news broke, New York Media Twitter (a living entity) went nuts. A few days later, a writer here on Substack published a full Nuzzi takedown, alleging she was sleeping her way to the top and crediting all of her success to her dangerous feminine wiles. (I later discovered this woman worked with the Depp campaign to do the very same to Amber Heard).
The case has spiraled further, with Nuzzi now alleging that Lizza blackmailed her. Way back in January I wrote that whenever a woman has an unconventional career path, people are eager to see them torn asunder. I’m not defending Nuzzi based on the “people hate to see a pretty girl win” argument (which I’ve seen), more specifically questioning the glee people take in these very public flameouts whenever they happen.
Generational Trauma
Everything is about generational trauma now. If you’re interested in dynastic family drama, this article about the cabal of cousins that own Boar’s Head was fascinating.
I also recommend Unscripted: The Epic Battle for a Media Empire and the Redstone Family Legacy if you want real mess. At one point Redstone had two women living with him and they made off with over $150 million in gifts, cars, jewelry and real estate. He and his daughter Shari sued them for elder abuse. This was one of my favorite books of 2022!
Mythmakers
JLo is learning her lesson. Allegedly. I wrote this and made a few videos about her intense quest for companionship months ago, and it seems someone (I pray she got a new therapist) finally got through to her: she’s taking some time off dating to focus on herself for the first time in 26 years. Good for her! (Interview Mag)
I also made a video about the odious Ben Affleck and Matt Damon truthers on TikTok, telling them to get a life. Ben and Matt are Gen X men from Boston: like Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval, they are heteroromantic and homosocial. As The Quote says, “In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex. Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.”
Anyway, find my September reads and some theater recs below!
We Love the Nightlife, Rachel Koller Croft
Stone Cold Fox was one of my favorite books of 2023, and when the author reached out with her follow-up, I couldn’t say no. A dual POV/timeline story about a female friendship between two vampires that goes TERRIBLY wrong, this ignited all the party girl vibes in me— so many dazzling descriptions of disco, clubs, lounges, drinks, music and general fun that are so rare in books nowadays.
I loved Stone Cold Fox because the protagonist was deeply mean, and Nicola continues this tradition. If you like Fates & Furies, Post Traumatic, or Ghost Lover, then you understand the perspective of an unwell person who specializes in interpersonal cruelty. Sometimes it’s fun!
Even if you don't love the paranormal, this is still a taut thriller with a lot to chew on when it comes to power imbalances, ownership, feminism and making a life of one's own as a woman in the modern age, as well as an intense story of a female friendship breakup. And genuinely funny!
Additionally, I’m working on a TikTok about the link between vampire fiction and periods of economic crisis.
Colored Television, Danzy Senna
Fun with a dark core. Senna is brilliant and I'm obsessed with Caucasia, and this book proves her mastery of American racial politics remains as strong as ever.
This book is a critical look at her own obsession with mixedness blended together with a takedown of Hollywood culture, Senna skewers many of the current tropes around Blackness, identity, being mixed, and the white American view of outgroups.
There's a lot of dialogue and a lot of tension, but the last third coalesces into something transcendent. I loved this, even if it did make me zero in on a lot of the racial tropes present in all of our media.
I made two separate videos about Colored Television and the current conversation about Hollywood not casting monoracial Black women as much as they used to, and the difficulty in categorizing people who aren’t American (Tyla and Trevor Noah) with the limited vocabulary we have here in the US.
The thesis of the book can be summed up by one of the questions I got on TikTok: why do people of color care so much about race? The answer is simple: if you’re not white, American culture never lets you have the luxury of forgetting about it.
Madwoman, Chelsea Bieker
Probably will be my favorite book of the year. A dark, skewering look at wellness culture driven by a traumatized woman destroying her own life after a destabilizing event. Trigger warning: this book is so dark. I don't want to spoil, since the book dives into it fairly early, but please be warned!
Clove's "self aware", evasive, and submerged voice, utterly incapable of seeing herself clearly made this book such a pleasure to read. The thread of motherhood as sacrifice, as gift, as blessing, and as a site of healing was so well done throughout the book— the ending made me WEEP.
You’re Embarrassing Yourself: Stories of Love, Lust, and Movies, Desiree Akhavan
I loved Appropriate Behavior and Desiree's appearance on Girls, and I knew she and I shared a similar sense of humor. The essays about her family, moving to London, being in Hollywood, and being single were excellent. A bit of a ramp up to get to the meat of her career, but ultimately sharp, funny writing about making it and learning to love yourself.
My one critique would be that this book shared a similar opaqueness with Men Have Called Her Crazy: Akhavan goes on about how much she loves love and is never single, but her actual relationships are completely skipped over. I know this is a collection of essays and not a memoir, but still found it odd knowing she created multiple pieces of media about her 10 year relationship and then completely neglected to mention it in her book.
Blue Sisters, Coco Mellors
One of the big books of 2024, I’m posting about this one later today. I’m a little sad (and scared) to admit this didn’t work for me. I loved the individual character studies of the three sisters, but felt that it was slightly light on plot for my taste. Seeing each of the sisters struggle with addiction was interesting. The book is well written for sure, just surprisingly lacking in forward motion for its length.
Rejection, Tony Tulathimutte
I wrote about this a few weeks ago! I absolutely loved it. Dark, prickly, deeply messed up. A precise look at a specific type of entitlement and delusion in modern society. Incels have won the internet but this book reminds us of how many mental leaps it takes to descend into the muck, and holds our hands as we step into the swamp with them.
I will never stop thinking about “I made sure to consistently give her mad props, and had her send me photos of her OOTD just so I could say she was a smokeshow dime serving fish and doll.”
Broadway
This is more New York focused, but someone asked me about shows I’ve seen recently:
The Big Gay Jamboree
I LOVED this. I keep meaning to post about it and get more people to go see it because I loved it so much: queer, joyful, messy, laugh out loud funny in such a 2024 chronically online musical theater fan way. Marla Mindelle created Titanique and she produced this show alongside Margot Robbie.
Additionally, one of the writers, Jonathan Parks-Ramage, wrote Yes, Daddy a few years ago. A gay thriller about a sugar baby and an evil sugar daddy, I recommend for spooky season.
Job
Some people loved Job, some people hated Job… I thought it was wild I’m sorry! The less said about this one the better, but I know it’s closing in two weeks. It’s hard to review it properly without giving everything away, but let’s say it’s an examination of millennial ennui and the reification of work as identity and leave it there.
Stereophonic
Similar to when we got Candy and Love & Death in the same year (and Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached), Stereophonic is another splashy Fleetwood Mac fanfic. I’m just going to be honest and say this didn’t work for me.
Sarah Pidgeon was incredible (real ones know her from The Wilds) as the valley girl Stevie Nicks stand-in, while Juliana Canfield thrummed with rage as Holly, the Christine McVie of the band.
I found the main male performance to be one note (there’s a thing theater actors do where they scream all their lines but never modulate their tone, leaving you to wonder if it’s a bug or a feature, but it’s unbearable for three hours). On that note, three hours is way too long for a show, especially one where intimate character details are meted out once every 20 minutes. I have an attention span and I love textured character portraits and unfortunately, every piece of dialogue wasn’t doing three things at once here. An aggressive edit was needed.
More links below:
Ryan Murphy is in hot water for flying too close to the sun with Monsters: The Menendez Brothers, and now people are taking a look at his other output. He currently has SIX shows on the air, which is unheard of (unless your name is Dick Wolf). The Trades tend to protect their own unless it’s a very specific takedown piece (see: the Euphoria article) so this was interesting to me. I’ve made my points about true crime in Forbes, but on the whole, it’s an audience I refuse to engage with.
Also, if American Love Story does happen, I need them to keep in JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bissette’s volatility and messiness. Everyone’s love story gets cleaned up once they pass away, but part of the appeal for truly messy New Yorkers was the fact they partied and got into screaming matches in public regularly. Give us the 365 party girl edit or keep it on the playground!
American Loneliness/the corporatization of everything: single people are creating decks (again, I remember this was a trend a few years before COVID as well) to market themselves to strangers. Millennials will never be free until we stop trying to operationalize everything, but good luck to whoever this works for!
I love industry hand wringing: the consensus is that Todd Phillips made Joker: Folie a Deux to get back at the incels/dudebros for claiming Arthur Fleck as one of their own, painting them as delusional fanboys in the sequel. Arthur doesn’t ascend to godhood or become immortalized for his crimes, he spends all his time being terrorized by prison guards. This could’ve been an interesting look at stan culture or celebrity culture, the way fans deify regular people with regular lives but their realities are just as bleak as anyone else’s, but the bad reviews are right- the movie is terribly boring. (Variety)
We’re doing The Interestings for the TtB Book Club! I hope this is as good as I remember, but I am frothing at the mouth to see the eventual stage adaptation.
I saw Big Gay Jamboree on Saturday! I’m gagged that Jonathan Parks-Ramage was a writer on it and Margot Robbie produced!!!!
Dying to see Big Gay Jamboree… Saw Marla Mindelle in Titanique and have no choice but to be obsessed with anything she does