I will be thinking more about this… for straight women, definitely feels to me like a kind of status signaling to have a partner (versus being single woman). Akin to a shopping haul video: “look at my man”
this is SUCH a good take! I’m 100% on board with it: it’s showing off the goods. in a society obsessed with monogamy and marriage, having a man is literally the key to a new life and seen as aspirational.
Absolutely. In the wasteland that is modern dating one of the biggest signals of social status, being and adult and being OKAY (tm) is having a partner. Especially as a woman. The internal dynamics of the relationship are irrelevant so long as the performance holds up.
Yes! I think it's also desperation to prove that "good guys DO exist even though the world has become so polarized and anti-women; look at MY great guy!!!" even if it's a lie they're perpetuating for the internet. They think they've *won* because even after seemingly understanding the ways men break women down in the domestic/romantic sphere, they act like they've found an "exception," and that somehow elevates them.
so interesting and very true -- thinking about this alongside the new Sabrina Carpenter song where she pleads with her man not to embarrass her! women's status can be gained or lost based on the attractiveness and behaviour of the proximal boy -- but the bar for "good" behaviour or attractiveness is still on the floor
7 months late but great post - an underlying theme i noticed is the implication that a man’s mind is enigmatic, unknowable, unique, so when he reveals vulnerability, it’s cause for fawning and adoration
As someone who grew up with Gloria Steinem’s MS magazine, Billie Jean King’s historic win, and Helen Reddy sound track, I Am Woman, this is so dispiriting but accurate. And yeah I think you’re so right connecting it to overturning Roe V Wade. Why do you always have to be right!
I think having second wave professors really warped my brain because some of the lukewarm stuff we see passing for feminism nowadays… It’s getting scary Betsy!!
I’ve read this post several times over and yes it has single-handedly ruined my TikTok experience but in the best possible way. I will be re-reading again and again
I have zero idea what to make of this post. (I’m also not on TikTok.) Definitely noticed strange familial interest though, which is odd to me. I guess I’m more interested in how platforms have shaped our general psychology than the trends. But I definitely agree with this: We are all becoming synthetic, performative, and with less idea who we actually are apart from anything, whether it be a partner, app, or some other makeshift identity.
TikTok isn’t all boyfriend content, it’s just your algorithm. Everyone’s algorithm shows them the thing they’ll seethe about and hatewatch and hateread the comments on the most. Mine used to show me women divorcing their partners for frivolous reasons, presumably in a bid by Satan to get me to break up with my girlfriend in a preemptive nuclear strike.
Thankfully in my mid thirties TikTok has passed me by, sounds gross. It makes some of my younger colleagues conversations make more sense. Absolute brain rot.
I will be thinking more about this… for straight women, definitely feels to me like a kind of status signaling to have a partner (versus being single woman). Akin to a shopping haul video: “look at my man”
this is SUCH a good take! I’m 100% on board with it: it’s showing off the goods. in a society obsessed with monogamy and marriage, having a man is literally the key to a new life and seen as aspirational.
Agreed with Leigh! And then the haul don’t even have to be good. It can be SHEIN! (Rude/mean man)
Absolutely. In the wasteland that is modern dating one of the biggest signals of social status, being and adult and being OKAY (tm) is having a partner. Especially as a woman. The internal dynamics of the relationship are irrelevant so long as the performance holds up.
Yes! I think it's also desperation to prove that "good guys DO exist even though the world has become so polarized and anti-women; look at MY great guy!!!" even if it's a lie they're perpetuating for the internet. They think they've *won* because even after seemingly understanding the ways men break women down in the domestic/romantic sphere, they act like they've found an "exception," and that somehow elevates them.
yeah i guess a man in any relation is the biggest tiktok accessory? look at me, i have a man that i would choose over a bear and so on…
so interesting and very true -- thinking about this alongside the new Sabrina Carpenter song where she pleads with her man not to embarrass her! women's status can be gained or lost based on the attractiveness and behaviour of the proximal boy -- but the bar for "good" behaviour or attractiveness is still on the floor
7 months late but great post - an underlying theme i noticed is the implication that a man’s mind is enigmatic, unknowable, unique, so when he reveals vulnerability, it’s cause for fawning and adoration
As someone who grew up with Gloria Steinem’s MS magazine, Billie Jean King’s historic win, and Helen Reddy sound track, I Am Woman, this is so dispiriting but accurate. And yeah I think you’re so right connecting it to overturning Roe V Wade. Why do you always have to be right!
I think having second wave professors really warped my brain because some of the lukewarm stuff we see passing for feminism nowadays… It’s getting scary Betsy!!
I’ve read this post several times over and yes it has single-handedly ruined my TikTok experience but in the best possible way. I will be re-reading again and again
Revisiting this after going down the rabbit hole of the “waiting in my bfs car while he works” tik toks
IT’S SO SICK
Another banger from you!!!
🙏🏽
Great article. You really articulated something I didn’t realised I had noticed.
I have zero idea what to make of this post. (I’m also not on TikTok.) Definitely noticed strange familial interest though, which is odd to me. I guess I’m more interested in how platforms have shaped our general psychology than the trends. But I definitely agree with this: We are all becoming synthetic, performative, and with less idea who we actually are apart from anything, whether it be a partner, app, or some other makeshift identity.
“I know, I’m just a hater without a boyfriend.” Man!
I’m always so over boyfriend/husband content & I have noticed the few times I make TToks where my man is in it the algo loves and they take off.
thinking extra hard about rachel coster’s “boy room” series right now…
it's like that TLC show about Hoarders but with less shame and more comments to cheer those guys on
Also when Wedding Content becomes the Only Content
Like girl you are more than just your wedding
TikTok isn’t all boyfriend content, it’s just your algorithm. Everyone’s algorithm shows them the thing they’ll seethe about and hatewatch and hateread the comments on the most. Mine used to show me women divorcing their partners for frivolous reasons, presumably in a bid by Satan to get me to break up with my girlfriend in a preemptive nuclear strike.
This is so real, and so awful. This is why I always return to Cecelia Regina’s TikTok’s.
Thankfully in my mid thirties TikTok has passed me by, sounds gross. It makes some of my younger colleagues conversations make more sense. Absolute brain rot.
The dad flipping the bride sends me
wdym this is very normal wedding behavior… I engage in gymnastics with my parents daily